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"Where heritage
meets destiny."

This Sunday night is

Prayer for Transparency

Lord,
How do I go about
being honest with You,
myself,
others?
Deception is woven into
the very fiber of my being.*
I rearrange events and circumstances
like a housewife rearranging furniture
until they are more to my liking.
The careful turning of a phrase,
The slightest inflection,
a perfect gesture
and the gist of the event
is turned to my advantage
without really altering the facts.
Once turned I replay it
over and over again until
I begin to believe it
really happened that way,
until in my mind
it becomes the truth.

I think
I've been honest
with You Lord,
but how can I be sure,
how can I know?

Don't let me
get away with pretending
and protesting my innocence.
Wrestle with me
in the dark night of my dishonesty
until like Jacob of old**
I come clean with You.
Face me with who I am,
what I am.
Force me to confess and claim
my past,
my present,
my identity.
Not with excuses and explanations
and other self-justifying maneuvers,
but with courage
to trust Your love
and with a faith that believes
such honest confession
births the intimacy
that makes me new.

Amen.

* Jeremiah 19:9
** Genesis 32:22-30